The Present of Wool
by QueenofBookworms
Summary: Some idiot's given Aizen happy pills. And now Aizen's giving out presents. Grimmjow's has nothing to do with him and has everything to do with his zanpuktou form. Even if he won't admit it. GrimmUlqui. Oneshot


Wool

Wool

Grimmjow stared disgustedly at the box laying on the table in his room. Growling, he shoved it off the table, until it lay under his bed, before throwing himself on the bed, scowling. Someone, someone whom he would murder painfully, had given Aizen, of all things, _happy pills_. Happy Pills. Things you'd give to a mentally ill, depressed person. Not the all-powerful, tea-loving, maniac who wanted to rule the world, and was in charge of a ridiculously strong army.

**FLASHBACK**

He opened his eyes when a bell rang, signalling another meeting. Grimacing, he pushed himself off the bed, trudged to his door, and pulled it open. Peering outside, he saw no trap, and stepped outside.

A bucket of ice cold water fell on top of him.

"Fck!" he yelled, jumping inside. "Who the bloody hell put fricking cold water on my bloody door?"

"Don't swear Grimmy!" yelled a cheerful voice. Aizen appeared, grinning broadly. Grimmjow scowled at the happy-pill full person. The Espada followed, grinning at the sight of their comrade drenched in cold water. The only one who wasn't was Ulquiorra, though some would swear the saw the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Dry yourself off, Grimmjow," said Ulquiorra. Grimmjow scowled at him, before marching back into his room. He changed his clothing, rubbing his hair with a towel, before marching back outside. Aizen smiled at him, as he led the way into the meeting hall.

"Right! Espies, did you open my presents?" chortled Aizen, grinning at everyone.

"Espies?" asked Nnoitora, looking disgusted.

"Yeah! Espies! 'Cause Espada is too hard to say all the time!"

"Right…" muttered Nnoitora, turning away. He mimed vomiting to the others. Aizen threw a cup of boiling water at him. "OWW" screamed the spoon-headed Espada. "What the hell was that for?"

"Don't tease my choice of nicknames, spoon-head!" screamed Aizen, slamming a book he apparently kept for the purpose on Nnoitora's head. The other Epsada snickered at the sight of their friend in such strife. Finally, Aizen decided he had punished Nnoitora enough, the Espada was out cold after all, and returned to his seat, grinning happily at everyone. The Espada sweat dropped, Aizen had mood swings… dangerous.

"Right, anyway, did you guys open your presents?! The ones I gave yesterday?" he asked cheerfully. Most nodded.

Ulquiorra had received a make up set, black and green, with happy pills. From the look on his face, most gathered he was not happy.

Nnoitora had received a cutlery set, mainly spoons, with a few plates and forks, and knives.

Halibel had received a dummy of Nnoitora, which she promptly started bashing up. Nnoitora had sweat dropped at her receiving a dummy of himself, but when he saw what she did with it, he relaxed.

Syazel Appora had received a large human flavoured box of sweets, which, though the presents had been given out a day ago, was almost empty. Aizen, upon noticing this, cheered loudly and ordered several more packets. No one wanted to know who gave him the human flavoured lollies.

Stark received a large box of caffeine. Most of the Espada, and even some of the Fraccion, backed away on seeing the present. Stark poured himself a cup of the caffeine filled coffee, and drank it. He was only a little more awake.

Grimmjow glowered at the box in front of him, which he'd been forced to bring from his room. Aizen was sobbing maniacally at the head of the table, and the rest of the Espada were glaring at him.

"What?!" he demanded.

"Open. The. Present," snapped Ulquiorra, as Aizen's sobs grew louder.

"You don't like me Grimmy!" wailed Aizen, quite loudly. "You hate me!" He sobbed loudly.

"SHUT UP AIZEN!" screamed Grimmjow, leaning over and smacking Aizen. "Just … shut up! ARGH!" Everyone stared at him. Grimmjow pushed the present away, leant back in his chair, and crossed his arms, glaring at everyone. Aizen's sobs grew louder and louder, as the leader of the Espada fell onto the table, banging it with his fists.

"My Sexta Espy HATES ME!" he cried, still wailing. "I FEEL SO INFERIOR! OH! Why does my Sexta Espy hate me?!" he wailed. Now, he threw himself over the table, and latched himself to the front of Grimmjow's clothes, still sobbing. His tears ran down Grimmjow's body, wetting him. The disgusted look on Grimmjow's face drove all the Espada to laughter; even Ulquiorra's mouth twitched, slightly.

"Grimmjow," said the Cuorta Espada. "Open the present before Aizen creates a river from his tears."

"Okay, okay, Ulqui," replied Grimmjow grumpily, reaching for his present. His arms were stopped by Aizen, who had stopped crying, and now gripped Grimmjow's arms, as he stared into the teal-haired Espada's eyes.

"You called Ulquiorra 'Ulqui'."

"Um. Yeah."

"You … did what he told you to."

"Err… Yeah?"

"ARE YOU AND ULQUI DATING!?"

"WHAT THE FCK?!"

"No, Aizen-sama, Grimmjow and I are NOT dating," replied Ulquiorra stiffly, face possibly a little more pale than before, if that were possible. The rest of the Espada started to laugh, before breaking out in a laugh-fest.

"YES YOU ARE. YES YOU ARE!" sang Aizen. "Now, Grimmy, do as your boyfriend Ulqui said, and open the present." Aizen leant into Grimmjow, as if to say a conspiratorial secret, but his voice was clearly heard by all involved. "If it makes you feel better, pretend the present's from Ulqui, even if it makes me a little sad that you don't like me enough to accept a present from me, but have to pretend that the present is from Ulqui."

Aizen gave a dramatic sob, as the rest of the Espada laughed softly, and 'Grimmy' resisted the over powering urge to strangle Aizen.

Instead, he opened the present. He untied the over large bow, which matched the colour of his hair, at which Aizen said, "Keep the bow, Grimmy! Ulqui might want to tie into your hair!"

"Aizen-sama, we are not dating. In case you haven't noticed, Grimmjow and I tend to want to kill each other in sight." Ulquiorra glared at the Espada, most of whom were trying to stifle their laughs, not that it was working.

"Ow, come on, _Ulqui_, we know you and Grimmjow only _pretend_ to hate each other. It's really meant to throw the rest of us off the fact that the two of you want to have a make out session right now," said Gin cheerfully, clearly enjoying the entire thing.

"No. We. Don't," replied Ulquiorra.

Grimmjow threw the ribbon over his head, glaring daggers at the white box in front of him. He then opened the white lid, taking it off the box, and stared at what was inside. Aizen, who had recovered the ribbon, and now held it, grinned at Grimmjow.

"Do you like your present?! Do you like it?" he asked, eyes hopeful.

"It's… it's…great… What the hell?! Why the fck did you get me this!?" demanded Grimmjow, glaring at the present.

The present was… some twenty large balls of wool, ranging in colours from white to pink to blue to green to black.

"Well," said Aizen slowly. "I know your released state is a cat, so I thought, well, cats like wool, so I figured you liked wool, so I got you wool. If you don't … like it," Aizen sniffed here, "I can get… you another present, and the wool can… go to SOMEONE ELSE," Aizen wailed loudly and threw himself to the ground, beating it with his arms and feet. "OH WHY DOESN'T MY SEXTA ESPADA LIKE ANYTHING I GIVE HIM!? He hates me! Oh! I feel so inferior! WHY?!" he yowled loudly.

"Accept the present, Grimmjow," muttered Ulquiorra, glaring at the Sexta Epsada. Grimmjow scowled at Ulquiorra, before realising that Aizen had once again latched himself to Grimmjow's clothes. Groaning, Grimmjow sighed.

"Aizen… It's a … great present… really,' said Grimmjow, prising the leader of the Espada off him. Aizen looked up, having stopped crying, and grinned.

"Really? Yay! Now go play with the wool with Ulqui!"

"Fcking hell! I am not dating, have never dated, nor will I ever date that emo bastard!"

"Ooh… Ulqui's gonna make you pay for that! Don't do anything too naughty with him, Ulqui!"

"I wonder who wears the pants in that relationship?" muttered Gin, grinning.

Grimmjow marched out of the meeting hall, to his own room. Throwing open the door, he stormed in, growling. He then chucked the box of wool onto the bedside table, and threw himself onto the bed.

**END FLASHBACK**

"Grimmjow, you should've checked the wool," said Ulquiorra to the grumpy Espada. Grimmjow scowled at him.

"Why the fck would I do that?"

"Aizen-sama placed messages in my … present. No doubt he shall ask us as to the content of those messages. I suggest you go back to your room and check the content of those messages, and then return, unless you want a repeat of yesterday's … sobbing."

"Meh. I'm not gonna find out what that crazy idiot put in that bloody wool."

"What … did…you…call…the…wool?" asked Aizen, puppy dog eyes coming into effect. Grimmjow rolled his eyes.

"I said that they were great wool!" he said, in a falsely happy tone. Aizen fell for it.

"Yay! I knew you would love the wool!" he said happily, throwing his arms around the squirming Espada. Grimmjow growled.

"GERROF ME!" he yelled. Aizen backed away.

"You don't want a hug from me? Oh well. You can get a hug from Ulqui! Ulqui! Hug him!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"I order you to."

"I would rather not obey."

"Aw! Did you two split up? I knew you shouldn't have called him an emo bastard, Grimmy!"

"For god's sake, we weren't dating!"

"You weren't dating, eh?" asked Gin, smiling thoughtfully. Suddenly he grinned, "Were you… married?"

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra choked, staring at Gin in shock, while the Espada rolled around the floor laughing. Aizen's eyes widened.

"Gimmy! Ulqui! Why didn't you tell me? You could've had a honeymoon! And who did your marriage? Why didn't you pick me?"

"We don't even like each other, fcking less love each other!" snapped Ulquiorra, surprising everyone with his language.

"AW! Grimmy's rubbing off on you!"

"ARGH!" yelled Grimmjow. "Just get this meeting over and bloody done with!"

"Language, Grimmy," said Aizen. "Now, did you all read the secret messages I put in your presents!"

Everyone nodded, even Grimmjow, who was groaning mentally. Ulquiorra gave him an 'I-win' look.

"Okay! Tell me what they were!"

"If they were secret," said Grimmjow, "Then we shouldn't tell everyone."

"Huh?" asked Aizen. "Why…" he looked suspiciously at Grimmjow. "Grimmy, did you read the secret messages?"

Ha! Yelled Ulquiorra, mentally of course. You are so stuffed, Grimmjow!

"Um, of course!" stammered Grimmjow. Aizen leapt onto the table, and scuttled over to the teal-haired Espada, and stared at him.

"What did they say, then? The secret messages?"

"Um, Hi? How are yo-"

"No! You didn't read the secret messages! Oh, why does my sexta espada hate me so? How painful than a snake's fang it is to have an unappreciative Espada!"

Shakespeare fans would have winced at the mangling of one of King Lear's most famous lines. As it was, none of the Espada were Shakespeare fans, and were not affected.

"I believe, Aizen-sama," said Ulquiorra, "that the line you were... attempting to quote was 'how sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child'. As you were referring to an Espada, it would have been 'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless Espada'."

"Sorry, Ulqui-chan," said Aizen, smiling at Ulquiorra. Grimmjow rolled his eyes, an action that Aizen caught.

"GRIMMY! Why do you hate me so much? What have I done? I'll do anything, just love me once more!"

"Oooh," said Nnoitora, "Did Grimmjow once _love_ Aizen?" he asked, drawing 'love' into at least ten syllables.

"Shut up, Nnoitora," said Grimmjow, reaching over to slap the Espada.

"Why?" bemoaned Aizen, sniffing. "Why? Why does Grimmy hate me? Why?" he drew out 'Why' into ten syllables.

"I'm sure Grimmjow will go back to his room once this meeting is over, open the balls of wool, and read the secret messages," said Ulquiorra, death glaring Grimmjow, who merely shrugged.

"No he won't! See! He just shrugged! He won't do it, Ulqui! He hates me!" wailed Aizen. Ulquiorra scowled at Grimmjow, who sighed.

"Don't worry Aizen, I'll do it," said Grimmjow tiredly.

"You don't want to!"

"I will," said Grimmjow forcefully. "Once this meeting is over, I promise I'll go back and read the secret messages."

"Yay! Thank you Grimmy! You're the best friend ever!" said Aizen happily, reaching over and hugging Grimmjow forcefully.

"GERROF ME!" yelled Grimmjow. Aizen put on puppy dog eyes. "I mean, I don't like being hugged Aizen."

The meeting ended soon after that, Aizen deciding Grimmjow needed to go back to his room as soon as possible to read the secret messages. Grimmjow grudgingly opened the box and looked inside.

There was a reason he hadn't opened the box. The wool was too tempting to his cat instincts, and he didn't want to be found covered in wool, playing with a ball of wool like a goddamned normal cat. This had a lot to do with his pride, and Grimmjow was determined not to risk his reputation as hard, cold, and cruel.

He took out each ball of wool slowly, treating it as though it was poison, one touch and he'd die.

Picking apart the first ball of wool, he found the secret message, 'Hope you like the present, Grimmy', and ended up with black wool all over his lap.

The second one, a red ball of wool, he found a message, 'Do you like the nickname, Grimmy?', and had wool all over his arms.

The third ball of wool, blue this time, had a secret message, ''Cause it makes you sound all dirty,' and had wool tangled in his fingers, which he didn't bother to untangle. He could still use his fingers, after all.

The fourth one, purple, 'Do you like me?', resulted in wool all over his pillow.

The fifth one, another red one, 'Because sometimes, I don't think you like me', ended up with wool on his bed. Sixth, another message, 'I wish you'd like me', more wool on his bed. Seventh, another message about how Grimmjow didn't like the message's author, more wool on his bed, some on his floor.

By the time he got to the last one, wool covered the room. He unwrapped the ball and found a message.

'Messages from Ulquiorra, Cuarta Espada'. Grimmjow stared at the message, mind flicking over the others, which had included, 'You're amazing', 'I admire you', and 'I really really really like you', then, 'as in, I like you'.

His door flung open, and a panting Ulquiorra rushed in. He took in the messy, wool-covered wool, Grimmjow sitting in the middle of it, a discarded white box to one side, and the piece of paper that he held.

Ulquiorra's eyes widened as he saw the piece of paper, and he strode over, and grabbed it out of Grimmjow's hands, the Sexta Espada making no move to stop him. Ulquiorra read the brief message, and then he strode to the pile of messages that sat on Grimmjow's right side.

Ulquiorra read through the messages, as Grimmjow regained his senses. Then, Grimmjow began with the snide comments.

"So that true, then? Ya really really really like me?"

"No."

"Oh, come on, ya know ya do. I'm irrestible!"

"No, you're not."

"Aww," Grimmjow sniffed, an action completely belied by the evil glint in his eyes, "ya're makin' me all sad and depressed, _Ulqui_."

"Do not call me by that despicable name," said Ulquiorra. "I will tell you that Aizen planted these messages."

"Sa why'd ya rush 'n here all worried and flustered?"

"I'm surprised you know such a large word as flustered, Grimmjow, and I distinctly heard you speak much better at the meeting, so please adopt that tone."

"Ya avoided th' question, Ulqui."

"I was hoping that you wouldn't have done as instructed, and am amazed that you did, so I wouldn't have to explain everything to you. Explaining would, after all, take a long time."

"Yare, yare, I don' believe ya, but yeah."

"Get that wool of you, and clean up, Grimmjow."

"Good idea."

Grimmjow started to work on the last bit of wool that had tangled itself into his fingers, and found he couldn't. Growling, he tried to reach for a pair of scissors, but his attempt at untangling had knotted his hands together. Scowling, he looked up at Ulquiorra who sighed.

"Inept, aren't you?"

'Oh shut up and get it of me, bastard."

Ulquiorra knelt at Grimmjow's side, and took his hands. Studying the knot, he pulled at one end of wool, and untied the first knot. Breathing out loudly, he looked at the knot, and sighed.

"This is going to take a while," he said.

"Whatever, you're the one doing the work," said Grimmjow.

"Watch your tongue," warned Ulquiorra, "I could always leave you like this, and let you walk into tomorrow's meeting wrapped in wool."

"Ya wouldn'."

"I would," said Ulquiorra. He grabbed Grimmjow's right hand in his, and set to work. Grimmjow leant back and let the Espada work, not bothered by their proximity.

_Later_.

"Nearly done," said Ulquiorra, into Grimmjow's ear. Grimmjow jumped, he'd fallen asleep, and scowled at Ulquiorra.

"Didn' have ta do that, ya know," he snapped.

"Be thankful, I nearly got all of the wool off you," snapped Ulquiorra. Grimmjow looked down and found that, while he'd slept, Ulquiorra had untangled all the wool on Grimmjow's body except for the wool wrapped arpund Grimmjow's head. For this reason, Ulquiorra was sitting on Grimmjow's lap, legs straddling him, hands on either side of Grimmjow.

They both realised just how close they were to each other, and jumped back, but not before a flash filled the room.

"YAOI LOVE!" cried Gin, holding up a camera. "Ooh, Aizen! Why'd you have to turn the flash on? I got so many cute pictures!"

"Apologies, Ichimaru. At least we finished Project UlquiGrimm. We could get started on NnoitraHailbel now."

"True,' agreed Gin, grinning at the room. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow stared at them.

"You. Set. This. Up?" asked Grimmjow, glaring daggers at them. He felt oh so very angry.

"Yep!" said Aizen. "Right down to the happy pills, though I now feel tired." He smiled at them. 'I'm off to bed. Actually, we should leave this happy couple together, alone, ne, Gin?"

"Hai, Aizen," said Gin, leaving. "See ya, and I'll just place this little unbreakable kido spell on ya room, so neither of ya can leave!"

Gin and Aizen left, leaving an angry Ulquiorra and an equally infuriated Grimmjow.

"Oh, we should just kill them both," growled Grimmjow.

"Both are too powerful, even for me," said Ulquiorra.

They looked around the room, studying the wool.

"We should clean this up," said Ulquiorra.

"Before that, you can take this wool off my head, and I'll help you with the wool on you," said Grimmjow, grinning, Ulquiorra looked down, and found wool tangled in his legs.

"Thanks," he said grudgingly.

In the meeting hall, the rest of the Espada, Gin, and Aizen watched the room through a camera planted in Grimmjow's room.

"Oh, all the yaoi love," said Gin happily.

'Oh, all the possible teasing, ya mean," said Nnoitora, who hadn't yet heard of Project NnoitoraHalibel.

**FIN! Disclaimer: own nothing. But please, review!! please? **

**Edit: typo fixing**


End file.
